New Year, Same You...

It's that time of year again. When people are setting resolutions, starting new diets and gym routines, saying out with the old and in with the new and improved. But what if you like the you that you are? It's rare, I know. But there are people out there that actually like themselves just the way they are. You don't have to be all new to want to be more you though. People take the New Year as a sign to start over, not realising that it's not as easy as buying a gym membership and downloading the latest diet tracking app. All those are helpful tools to keep you focused on seeing measurable progress to your health and fitness goals. But it's not so easy to change the mindset, thought patterns and self view of a lifetime. There's not an app for that, yet. Sure, there are apps that send you motivational quotes everyday, but they often come off as trite little sound bites that hit the wrong side of condescending. People talk about manifesting through affirmations, but talking to yourself in the mirror can just feel... sad.

The real way to improve yourself is with the help of someone else. Someone who hasn't lived in your head like you do, and doesn't judge you by your intentions, only your deeds. So many people struggle with negative self talk (because the bad stuff is easier to believe) that borders on self abuse. And I can hear you scoffing at that. But it's one of the hard truths that can help you to change how you think about yourself. I want you to imagine the person you love the most - a child, a partner, a friend who is family, your favorite cousin. Imagine someone telling them all the things you tell yourself to them; the negative phrasing, the name calling, the verbal and intellectual battering you do to yourself on a daily basis. How does that feel? Would you let someone talk to them, the way that you talk to you inside your head? There's a really good chance you would be really upset at them and tell them that they don't deserve to be spoken to like that. Well, the good news is neither do you. You are the only person who has to live inside your head 24/7. If it feels like a battlefield with no safe place to relax, chances are you're doing everything you can to avoid yourself. And who could blame you?

But how do I change that, I hear you asking? It's not easy. And it's not simply a matter of speaking affirmations in the mirror. It takes time and someone who is on the outside to help you notice all the ways that you're unkind to yourself, when you would never do that to those you love. Books can help keep the momentum going. I read once that a butterfly can't see it's own wings, so it never knows how beautiful it is. It probably just sees itself as a slug who was wrapped in a blanket of slime and now suddenly it can fly. It doesn't know why or how, but it does. A jewel fluttering by that people marvel at, but to the butterfly, it's still a slug. That's where trusted friends and a leap of faith with a trusted professional comes in. Learning to believe that you are a butterfly with beautiful wings, even though you can't see them, is something we all need help with. Even therapists need help with seeing the truth about who they are. I know, I once thought I was just a slug, and I still have days where I know I can't trust my own self view because the bad things are easier to believe. But I was fortunate enough to have professionals and colleagues help me spread my wings and see myself in all my beauty. And the beauty was inside all the time. It wasn't a new me, it was a real life view of me with all the beauty and flaws that make us human and amazing.

So new year and same you, just with a different view of you, the real you. It's there; I see it. And you'll see it too.